The Quintessential Christmas Mixtape

I worked in a mall for more years than I care to remember. Therefore, traditional Christmas music gives me the feeling of dread and terror. I can’t stand it and I have never recovered. Especially, that damned Chipmunks song.

That being said, I figured that I would compose a list of Christmas songs that are better than the redundant shit you hear blasting through the mall, as you and other evil shoppers try to kill each other over NutriBullets and toilet seat covers.

Here is my Chipmunk free list.

1. “Merry Muthafuckin’ Xmas” by Eazy-E
2. “Stripper Christmas Summer Weekend” by GWAR
3. “Santa Claus, Go Straight To the Ghetto” by James Brown
4. “Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues with Kristy MacColl
5. “King Night” by Salem
6. “Christmas In Hollis” by Run DMC
7. “Last Christmas” by Wham!
8. “Back Door Santa” by Clarence Carter
9. “Christmas Was Better In the 80s” by The Futureheads
10. “Father Christmas” by The Kinks
11. “It Doesn’t Often Snow on Christmas” by Pet Shop Boys
12. “A Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney and Wings
13. “Oh Come All Ye Faithful” by Twisted Sister
14. “Sleigh Ride” by TLC
15. “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses
16. “Christmas Rappin'” by Kurtis Blow
17. “Black Xmas” by Venom
18. “Ghostface X-Mas” by Ghostface Killah
19. “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” by Dio
20. “Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)” by The Darkness
21. “Santa’s Got a Muthafuckin’ Uzi” by Mr. Lif
22. “Santa Claws Is Coming to Town” by Alice Cooper
23. “Run, Run Rudolph” by Lemmy Kilmister, Billy Gibbons and Dave Grohl
24. “Millie Pulled A Pistol On Santa” by De La Soul
25. “Viking Christmas” by Amon Amarth

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