Film Review: Avenging Angel (1985)

Also known as: Angel II, Angel II: Avenging Angel (alternative titles)
Release Date: January 11th, 1985
Directed by: Robert Vincent O’Neil
Written by: Robert Vincent O’Neil. Joseph Michael Cala
Music by: Christopher Young
Cast: Betsy Russell, Rory Calhoun, Susan Tyrrell, Ossie Davis, Steven M. Porter, Robert F. Lyons, Frank Doubleday, Barry Pearl, Ross Hagen

Avenging Venture, Republic Entertainment International, New World Pictures, 93 Minutes

Review:

“Good God almighty! The little sidewinder pee’d all over me!” – Kit Carson

After watching Angel, I figured I’d give the sequels a shot but that also hindered on how much of a step down this one was. I’m glad to say that I mostly enjoyed it but it’s not really in the same ballpark as its predecessor. Still, I’ll probably watch the other two, assuming they’re streaming somewhere.

So this one does bring back some of the characters I liked in the first film while also recasting the role of Angel with Betsy Russell, who has always had my full attention. She even made those abysmally bad Saw sequels a wee bit more palatable than they otherwise would have been.

Original Angel, Donna Wilkes, didn’t come back because supposedly, she had salary demands that the producers didn’t want to meet.

I think the recasting makes sense, though, due to the movie jumping ahead four years. Although, I think the time jump also made it less controversial, as the title character was no longer fifteen years-old. Now the character was in law school and definitely made to be sexier, as she was nineteen years-old and technically legal.

Russell has a much stronger presence than the previous Angel, overall, but that’s also not a knock against Donna Wilkes. Russell just felt like she was experienced, tougher and able to handle her shit in a way that Wilkes’ fifteen year-old Angel couldn’t.

I really liked Russell in this a lot and she had good chemistry with the returning cast, specifically Susan Tyrrell and Rory Calhoun.

I also liked the rest of the crew with Yo-Yo Charlie getting a bigger role and the edition of Johnny Glitter, who is a character that honestly cracked me up. Veteran actor Ossie Davis was also a good addition to the cast.

Overall, I felt like the story was weaker. The whole thing about Angel being a minor tricking on the streets wasn’t part of the narrative and this movie loses that edge and her character no longer feels like an innocent child in a scummy, dark world.

It’s obvious that this was made just to try and replicate the surprise success of its predecessor but it’s just more of an action crime movie. The fact that there isn’t a sadistic serial killer was also a step down. This just follows Angel as she hunts down the thugs that murdered her police friend that became somewhat of a father figure to her.

In the end, the good guys win and they go on with their lives. Although, there are two more movies. Sadly, no one returns for the other films.

Rating: 6/10

Film Review: The Original ‘Saw’ Sequels (2005-2010)

Release Date: October 28th, 2005 (Saw II), October 27th 2006 (Saw III), October 26th, 2007 (Saw IV), October 24th, 2008 (Saw V), October 23rd, 2009 (Saw VI), October 29th, 2010 (Saw VII), 
Directed by: Darren Lynn Bousman (Saw II-IV), David Hackl (Saw V), Kevin Greutert (Saw VI-VII)
Written by: Leigh Whannell, Darren Lynn Bousman, James Wan, Patrick Melton, Marcus Dunstan, Thomas Fenton
Based on: Saw by James Wan, Leigh Whannell
Music by: Charlie Clouser
Cast: Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith, Costas Mandylor, Betsy Russell, Cary Elwes, Leigh Whannell, Dina Meyer, Donnie Wahlberg, Lyriq Bent, Erik Knudsen, Franky G, Angus Macfadyen, Bahar Soomekh, Mark Rolston, Julie Benz, Sean Patrick Flanery, Glenn Plummer, Beverly Mitchell, Meagan Good, 

Twisted Pictures, Lions Gate Films, 93 Minutes (Saw II), 108 Minutes (Saw III), 92 Minutes (Saw IV), 92 Minutes (Saw V), 90 Minutes (Saw VI), 90 Minutes (Saw VII) 

Review:

I wasn’t a fan of the Saw franchise after the original movie. In fact, I quit with the third film and haven’t watched any of them since that one debuted in theaters. Jigsaw died in that one and so I was fine moving on, as well.

After revisiting the first one to review, I figured I would just power through the original string of sequels since they were all on HBO Max.

Since these are all pretty dreadful, blend together in a convoluted clusterfuck and are almost indistinguishable from one another, by the time I got to the end of the fourth movie, I decided just to review them all together. So I pushed through all six of these movies over a weekend and what a miserable experience it was.

The second film is at least a new situation from the first but it also set the stage for what would generally be the formula going forward, which sees a group of people locked in a secret location, having to pass tests in an effort to survive and not be murdered by Jigsaw’s traps.

The third film sees an abducted doctor forced to keep Jigsaw alive, as long as she can. Meanwhile, her husband has to work his way through a test and others are brutalized.

Film four through seven are just rehashes of everything we’ve already seen. Sure, there are different characters with different sins that they have to atone for in Jigsaw’s game. However, we have one Jigsaw successor, then another, then his ex-wife who is also working for him and eventually we discover that the Cary Elwes doctor character from way back in the first movie, has been assisting all along too.

The first film was great because it had a stellar twist at the end. Each picture after it, though, tries to outdo it and ultimately, fails at trying to replicate the shock of the original film’s closing moments.

In fact, with each new plot twist, big reveal and eye-opening flashback, the overall story gets more and more complicated to the point that you really can’t follow any of it and I don’t think the filmmakers even cared about consistency and logic because they were pumping these things out, annually, in an effort to make hundreds of millions off of each movie, all of which cost a slight fraction of that.

Saw after the success of the first one became a soulless, heartless, pointless cash cow. It was pushed as far as it could go and it ultimately diminished what the first movie had built and the reputation it deservedly earned.

I also hate the visual style of these films. They look like a ’90s industrial music video, everything is choppily and rapidly edited and they’re overwhelmed by more violent, shrill, jarring flashbacks than my ‘Nam vet uncle on LSD.

The musical score is also overbearing a lot of the time. It’s like this series has one theme playing throughout the movie and when crazy, violent shit pops up, they simply raise the volume.

Additionally, outside of Tobin Bell, these things are terribly acted. As much as I like Bell as Jigsaw in spite of this shitty series, even his presence runs its course midway through this series. He basically just becomes this prop in each film for the writers and directors to hang their stinky ass ideas on.

People may want to point to other long-running horror franchise and call them pointless cash cows too but most of the movies in the Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Halloween, etc. franchises were at least fun and entertaining.

There is nothing fun about these movies. They’re just full of miserable people who do miserable things, trapped in a miserable situation that only extends their misery and the misery of the audience. I don’t know why people kept going to see these for seven fucking annual installments. But then again, some people really, really liked Limp Bizkit, JNCO jeans and Jerry Springer.

Saw II – Rating: 5/10
Saw III – Rating: 5.5/10
Saw IV – Rating: 4.25/10
Saw V – Rating: 4/10
Saw VI – Rating: 4/10
Saw VII – Rating: 4.25/10

 

Film Review: Tomboy (1985)

Release Date: January 25th, 1985
Directed by: Herb Freed
Written by: Ben Zelig
Music by: Michael Lloyd
Cast: Betsy Russell, Jerry DiNome, Kristi Somers, Richard Erdman, Philip Sterling, Michelle Bauer (uncredited)

Crown International Pictures, BCI Eclipse, 91 Minutes

Review:

I always thought Betsy Russell was pretty desirable. Now make her a mechanic and racecar driver and she gets infinitely more desirable. Unfortunately, the film around her is not very desirable.

Tomboy is one of nineteen gazillion 80s teen sex comedy movies. While that’s typically not a sub-genre that is known for Oscar caliber motion pictures there are a few that are true cinematic classics. Tomboy, however, is pretty close to the bottom of the barrel. Although, it is still entertaining and goofy enough to enjoy.

Betsy Russell stars as Tomasina Boyd (Tom… Boy… get it?). She rides dirtbikes, shoots hoops, works on cars and even built her own racecar that looks like the lovechild of a dangerous carnival ride and a 70s lunchbox. Her slutty prissy friend always tries to turn her into a slutty prissy girl. Betsy isn’t having any of that though because she’s a friggin’ tomboy.

This handsome racecar champion shows up in Betsy’s garage one day and all of a sudden, she cares about boys. Her friend even gives her a special perfume that makes vaginas smell pleasant. I’m not making this up, I swear.

Anyway, the whole thing comes to this big crescendo where Betsy has to race against her beau with the winner getting some sort of big-time racing contract. In the end, everyone is happy and richer. We also get to see Betsy’s boobies a few times along the way.

Tomboy is pretty crappy, for the most part, but it’s still fun and full of bizarre characters that go beyond just being 80s cliches. There’s the slutty friend who shoots a commercial wearing powedered donuts on her boobs, there’s the weirdo rich kid who doesn’t know how to relate to anyone except creepy old rich dudes, there’s the dumb hunk, there’s the loser guy who crashes and burns trying to get with the ladies, there’s the… well, if you’ve seen these types of movies, you probably know the drill by now.

The film has less than mediocre acting, art-less cinematography, a cookie cutter lowest common denominator score and a cheesy 80s title song that will make you slip into madness. But at least everyone looks like they’re having fun.

Tomboy is dated. It wasn’t good in 1985 even. However, if you’ve got 90 minutes to kill on a rainy day, throw it on.

Rating: 4/10

Film Review: Private School (1983)

Release Date: June 29th, 1983
Directed by: Noel Black
Written by: Dan Greenburg, Suzanne O’Malley
Music by: Rick Springfield
Cast: Phoebe Cates, Betsy Russell, Matthew Modine, Michael Zorek, Ray Walston, Sylvia Kristel

Universal Pictures, 88 Minutes

Review:

“That’s the finest example of bareback riding I’ve ever seen.” – Miss Dutchbok

Teen sex comedies have never been the same since the 80s ended. Sure, we’ve had a few classics, here and there. However, even though these films were a dime a dozen in the early 80s, they typically had some charm. While that could be nostalgia talking, I feel like this style of film just fit well with 80s pop culture and humor.

Private School is not a classic in the same vain as Fast Times At Ridgemont High, which is the true masterpiece of the genre because it is much more than just a teen sex comedy. However, Private School features both Phoebe Cates and Ray Walston from Fast Times and also tried to piggyback on that film’s success.

On a side note, Phoebe Cates was my first crush as a young kid and she made me come to the realization that girls were something I should desire and that no woman would ever compare to Phoebe Cates. And truth be told, I didn’t even see her breasts in Ridgemont High until I was a teenager and realized that the VHS version of the film had some things in it that weren’t shown on television. Mainly just boobies, drugs and a more colorful approach to the English language – all fun stuff.

Private School is still enjoyable for its absurdity. Also, it has that scene where Betsy Russell rides topless on a horse in glorious slow motion. And she is pretty much naked or close to naked throughout the whole film, which is something you just don’t get to see anymore because communists have taken over Hollywood in an effort to destroy the young red-blooded American male sex drive. Without their libido, the Red Chinese win. But more importantly, we can only see boobs in porn and everyone wants to slap our wrists now if we watch that good all-American smut.

What’s the big deal? Europeans don’t have a problem with sex and frankly, we’re supposed to be the trendsetters in the entertainment industry. I apologize to Europe on behalf of America if we somehow influence you guys to lose boobies in your movies. Please don’t, I’ll pay big bucks for Euro boobies, especially when they’re thirty feet tall over my head in a dark room.

Anyway, there isn’t much plot to this movie. Mainly, Betsy Russell wants to steal Phoebe Cates’ boyfriend a.k.a. Matthew Modine – the evil guy from Stranger Things. She tries to achieve this by taking her shirt off a lot. The rest of the film is really just a series of funny skits and gags, which is typical of this sort of movie.

Private School is a pretty okay movie. It is fun and it has some good bits, like everything featuring Ray Walston. But it is mostly a film about the greatness of Betsy Russell’s immaculate body. Even though I love Phoebe Cates, she doesn’t do much here other than make pouty faces and keep her clothes on.

Rating: 6/10