Film Review: The Green Knight (2021)

Release Date: July 29th, 2021 (Switzerland, Germany, Israel)
Directed by: David Lowery
Written by: David Lowery
Based on: Sir Gawain and the Green Knight by anonymous
Music by: Daniel Hart
Cast: Dev Patel, Ralph Ineson, Alicia Vikander, Joel Edgerton, Sarita Choudhury, Sean Harris, Erin Kellyman, Patrick Duffy (voice)

Sailor Bear, BRON Studios, A24, 130 Minutes

Review:

“[as the Queen’s voice overlaps with the Green Knight’s while she reads his letter] Oh, greatest of kings, indulge me in this friendly Christmas game. Let whichever of your knights is boldest of blood and wildest of hearts step forth, take up arms and try with honor to land a blow against me. Whomsoever nicks me shall lay claim to this my arm. Its glory and riches shall be thine. But… thy champ must bind himself to this: should he land a blow, then one year and Yuletide hence, he must seek me out yonder to the Green Chapel six nights to the north. He shall find me there and bend a knee and let me strike him in return, be it a scratch on the cheek or a cut in the throat. I will return what was given me, and then in trust and friendship, we shall part. Who, then, who is willing to engage with me?” – Green Knight; Queen

I went into this without expectation and that’s probably the best way to see this.

This is a live-action adaptation of the 14th century poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. It’s a story I always enjoyed, which I first discovered when I read J.R.R. Tolkien’s translation of it. There are other translations but it was the Tolkien one that I first discovered and experienced and it’s probably the only version I’ll ever revisit, unless someone can sell me on another one.

This is also the first adaptation of the poem in decades, at least that I am aware of. I saw the one with Sean Connery, years ago, and thought it was pretty weak. This version, was far superior to that one and what I just experienced is one of the best traditional fantasy motion pictures that I’ve seen in quite some time.

Dev Patel plays Sir Gawain and I thought he was fantastic. He’s also one hell of a strikingly good looking man. With that, he has the sort of regal and manly visage that made him look like he belonged at the table with King Arthur. In the story, he even gets to wield Excalibur for his first confrontation with the mythic Green Knight.

Patel truly carries this film on his back. Granted, he is backed up by a pretty talented cast. I especially liked Sean Harris as Arthur.

The film is very melodic and dreamlike. I wouldn’t say that it moves slow, it just enchants you, puts you in a strange trance and then pulls you along on this adventure. It works well and I liked the somewhat relaxed pacing, as you kind of need to marinate in the different sequences and take in the dialogue, the emotion and also the visually captivating cinematography.

The Green Knight feels otherworldly but it also feels familiar. As for Arthurian legends, it feels truly authentic and frankly, it’s one of the best King Arthur-related movies that I’ve ever seen.

Rating: 9/10

Film Review: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

Also known as: The Mummy 3 (informal title), Untitled Rick O’Connell Adventure, The Mummy 3: Curse of the Dragon (working titles)
Release Date: July 24th, 2008 (Moscow premiere)
Directed by: Rob Cohen
Written by: Alfred Gough, Miles Millar
Based on: characters by Stephen Sommers, Lloyd Fonvielle, Kevin Jarre
Music by: Randy Edleman
Cast: Brendan Fraser, John Hannah, Jet Li, Maria Bello, Russell Wong, Liam Cunningham, Luke Ford, Isabella Leong, Michelle Yeoh

The Sommers Company, Relativity Media, Universal Pictures, 112 Minutes

Review:

“I hate mummies! They never play fair!” – John Carnahan

Fuck me. This was damn near unwatchable and getting through it was a hell of a challenge. But I wanted to complete the trilogy for the sake of reviewing them all.

This was so bad and weird that Rachel Weisz passed on it after reading the script and not wanting to play mother to a twenty-two year-old son. I guess Brendan Fraser came back after they threw like fourteen million dollars at him.

The only other returning cast member from previous films was John Hannah.

Somehow, Rick O’Connell has a kid that’s in his twenties, even though Rick looks the same as he did in the previous two movies. If you remember, the son was like seven years-old in the previous film and he wasn’t even born yet in the one before that. But whatever.

This time Evie is played by Maria Bello. Generally, I like Maria Bello but man was she poorly cast for this role. She doesn’t look like Evie, doesn’t act like her and it just breaks the movie. It’s a situation where the film would’ve been better off having the character omitted, whether that came from being an offscreen death or divorce.

In this story, the heroes go to China and we get a new mummy played by Jet Li. I hope Li got a fat paycheck too because this utilized him poorly.

Additionally, the special effects seem like they’re worse than they were in the previous movies.

Man, this just shouldn’t have been made. It’s absolute shit and I probably would’ve hated it more had I seen it in the theater back in 2008.

At least now, I can say that I’ve seen it, reviewed it and can go on to forget it.

Rating: 3.75/10

Film Review: Jennifer’s Body (2009)

Release Date: September 10th, 2009 (Toronto International Film Festival)
Directed by: Karyn Kusama
Written by: Diablo Cody
Music by: Stephen Barton, Theodore Shapiro
Cast: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons, J. K. Simmons, Amy Sedaris, Adam Brody, Kyle Gallner, Chris Pratt, Bill Fagerbakke, Lance Henriksen 

Dune Entertainment, Fox Atomic, 20th Century Fox, 102 Minutes

Review:

“You know what? You were never really a good friend. Even when we were little, you used to steal my toys and pour lemonade on my bed.” – Needy, “And now, I’m eating your boyfriend. See? At least I’m consistent.” – Jennifer

I never had a burning urge to see this movie and because of that, I didn’t check it out until now. The reason being is that this appeared on The Criterion Channel, of all places, and it made me wonder if there was some hidden artistic genius in this that I, and most of the world, slept on in 2009. That curiosity made me finally give this a shot.

I was pretty underwhelmed by it and it’s pretty much exactly what I thought it would be but more boring and featuring a lot less of Jennifer’s body than an average male would hope for.

Sure, Megan Fox shows some skin and I didn’t expect her to go nude or anything but this is a lot less racier than the marketing in 2009 implied. In its defense, however, this was marketed poorly, as it is more geared towards a female audience than a male one, not to say males wouldn’t enjoy it either. However, the strong female message in it is pretty lost amongst all the craziness and sloppy, nonsensical, hole-riddled plot.

I know that Jennifer was murdered in a Satanic ritual by a terrible band wanting fame and fortune. I also know that this ritual turned her into a demon or maybe she was possessed? I don’t know. I’m not sure if she actually survived and acquired this power or died and came back or maybe was just some demon piloting her corpse. Was she alive? Dead? Undead? What are her powers exactly? What are her weaknesses? She died really fucking easily, getting stabbed by a boxcutter. Yet she was brutally stabbed a bunch of times by a giant Bowie knife earlier in the film during the ritual that made her whatever the fuck she is.

None of this stuff is clearly explained, no actual rules for the film are established and what we end up with was a total clusterfuck where things just happen because the plot needs them too.

Additionally, the dialogue was pretty cringe. It’s like it was trying to emulate Mean Girls a decade too late. However, beyond that, the writing also fails the characters, as they both have these multiple personality shifts that don’t logically make sense.

I thought that Megan Fox gave a pretty mundane performance, overall. Although, Amanda Seyfried saved the film from being total shit and she was likable, except for when her character wasn’t acting like her character.

In the end, I guess I’ve seen this and I never have to watch it again. However, now I’m even more confused as to why The Criterion Channel even bothered with this.

Rating: 5/10

Film Review: Spiral: From The Book Of Saw (2021)

Also known as: Untitled Saw Project, The Organ Donor (working titles)
Release Date: May 12th, 2021 (Denmark, Indonesia, South Korea, Norway)
Directed by: Darren Lynn Bousman
Written by: Josh Stolberg, Peter Goldfinger
Music by: Charlie Clouser
Cast: Chris Rock, Max Minghella, Marisol Nichols, Samuel L. Jackson

Serendipity Productions, Twisted Pictures, Lionsgate, 93 Minutes

Review:

“Whoever did this has another motive – they’re targeting cops.” – Detective Zeke Banks

This is the second time that they’ve tried to resurrect Saw and this one was worse than the first.

Spiral is the first film that doesn’t feature Tobin Bell or the Jigsaw character, other than some photographs and references to him, as the new killer is a copycat.

So like the previous film, Jigsaw, and the original Saw, we don’t specifically know who the killer is. However, after suffering through the misery of this entire franchise, it wasn’t hard for me to figure out who the killer was in the first fucking fifteen minutes. I also knew the red herrings were obvious red herrings and I felt like I was watching a gore-filled, live action episode of Scooby-Doo.

Additionally, I like Chris Rock, I always have. However, at this point in his career, it’s hard seeing him in a serious role as a detective, yelling at rival detectives, and to not almost laugh. It’s not that he can’t act but he’s been known for his loud comedic acting and stand-up specials where his distinct, loud voice is always hilarious. It’s kind of the same reason why it’s become hard for me to take Vince Vaughn seriously in dramatic roles now, as he also has a distinct voice and has primarily done comedy over the last few decades now.

Sam Jackson is in this too but just barely. The only two really notable people are Max Minghella and Marisol Nichols.

This movie also seems pretty tame compared to how far previous Saw films pushed the bar in regards to gore in mainstream film.

The traps were fairly interesting and new, as opposed to some of the sequels that started to update some of the more classic Jigsaw traps. I thought that the trap that pulled the dude’s fingers apart like perfectly smoked ribs was kind of gruesome, though. It’s about the only time I felt my balls wince up in my briefs.

Anyway, fuck this movie. It was a huge waste of time and I don’t know why I even watched it, other than I forced myself to be tortured by all the other sequel films and figured that I might as well finish it with this turd.

Rating: 4.25/10

Film Review: When a Stranger Calls Back (1993)

Also known as: When A Stranger Calls 2 (working title)
Release Date: April 4th, 1993
Directed by: Fred Walton
Written by: Fred Walton
Based on: characters by Fred Walton, Steve Feke
Music by: Dana Kaproff
Cast: Carol Kane, Charles Durning, Jill Schoelen, Gene Lythgow, Kevin McNulty

Krost/Chapin Productions, MCA Television Entertainment, Pacific Motion Pictures, Showtime, 94 Minutes

Review:

“I am not the reflection of anything. I am not an illusion. I am the truth. I’m invisible. Unknowable. You people are the real illusionists. You people are the real illusionists!” – William Landis

This movie is basically the inverse of its predecessor.

In the first film, the best part, by far, is the first act. The rest of the film falls pretty flat even though the ending is good and satisfying.

In this film, the first act, which emulates the original movie, is pretty bad. It’s a sequence that has weird logic and is sort of confusing on a first watch. But then the rest of the movie is really damn good and more than makes up for the wonky first act. And with that, I think that this film is better as a total movie, overall.

However, nothing still tops the opening of the original. So, honestly, I think the two films kind of break even and that’s actually kind of fucking cool.

Carol Kane and Charles Durning both returned for this, as did director, Fred Walton. Joining them was Jill Schoelen, who was kind of becoming a scream queen by this point after Stepfather, Popcorn and the Robert Englund starring The Phantom of the Opera.

The cast was good and the director seemed to learn from the mistakes of the first movie and gave us a much better paced film, this time around.

The psycho in this movie is also much better than the original. They got creative with this character and made him a ventriloquist, which was used as a plot device to give him the ability to throw his voice. This ability leads to him making his victim think there are multiple predators. He also uses photographic reference to paint himself in ways that allow him to blend into his environments. It’s kind of clever, honestly, and seeing how it’s utilized in the film makes sense and comes off as plausible.

When A Stranger Calls Back is a better movie than I anticipated it being. Also, for originally being a television movie on Showtime, the finished product is even more impressive.

Rating: 7.75/10

Film Review: Dune: Part One (2021)

Release Date: September 3rd, 2021 (Venice Film Festival)
Directed by: Denis Villeneuve
Written by: Jon Spaihts, Denis Villeneuve, Eric Roth
Based on: Dune by Frank Herbert
Music by: Hans Zimmer
Cast: Timothée Chalamet, Rebecca Ferguson, Oscar Isaac, Josh Brolin, Stellan Skarsgård, Dave Bautista, Stephen McKinley Henderson, Zendaya, Chang Chen, Sharon Duncan-Brewster, Charlotte Rampling, Jason Momoa, Javier Bardem, David Dastmalchian

Villeneuve Films, Legendary Entertainment, Warner Bros., 155 Minutes

Review:

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” – Lady Jessica Atreides

Well, the long-awaited Dune movie by Denis Villeneuve is finally here and while I tried to go into it without any expectations, I am a pretty big fan of the original novels by Frank Herbert and am one of the weirdos that likes the 1984 David Lynch adaptation while also enjoying those two Sci-Fi Channel miniseries that adapted the first three books back around the turn of the new millennium.

It’s hard to review this, however, because it is just one half of the story and it doesn’t even end at a logical point, the film just decides to stop and roll its credits. There are some logical points in the book that would’ve been much better areas to pause the film.

For those who haven’t read the book, which is most people in 2021, this will probably confuse them or piss them off. Especially, since a follow up wasn’t guaranteed. At the time of me writing this, though, the sequel was just greenlit.

So up to the point where the film just stops, I’d have to consider this the best adaptation of the book so far. Granted, it could still fall apart in the second half, which hopefully we don’t have to wait four years for.

The film, as should be expected with Villeneuve at the helm, is a visual masterpiece. However, also with Villeneuve at the helm, Dune starts to suffer, as the initial awe of the visuals starts to wear off and normalize. The movie is slow. That’s not to say that nothing happens but like Blade Runner 2049, it just takes a long time to get there. With this being nearly two and a half hours and just half the plot, I feel like this whole story could’ve been told well over three-to-four hours if it moved at a brisker pace.

As far as the acting goes, it was all good. There really wasn’t a weak link in this chain but it was also hard really getting a grasp on whether or not Zendaya was going to be able to hang, as she only shows up in the last ten minutes of the movie, apart from appearing in Paul Atreides’ dreams.

Timothée Chalamet made a solid Paul, though. I also really liked Rebecca Ferguson and Oscar Isaac. Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem both had great presence and Jason Momoa actually impressed me quite a bit, as Duncan Idaho, one of my favorite characters from the book.

Beyond that, Stellan Skarsgård completely owned the role of Baron Vladimir Harkonnen. Dave Bautista was also intimidating as hell as the Beast Rabban with one of my favorite modern character actors, David Dastmalchian, doing a f’n superb job as the Harkonnen mentat, Piter De Vries. Dastmalchian was in good company with Brad Dourif playing the role in the 1984 film but he still made the role his own, in this film, and really shined through in a unique way.

I wasn’t a big fan of the Hans Zimmer score and honestly, you barely even notice it. It’s just noise and atmosphere and the movie lacks any real themes like the 1984 version, which had incredible music.

Also, as visually impressive as this is, when I read the books, I’m pretty sure my mind is still going to visualize the David Lynch style. It’s just burnt into my memory, at this point. I can’t really say which is better, overall, because of my nostalgic love of the visuals and design of the original film but this one still looks great and really utilizes modern special effects technology exceptionally well. It greatly benefits in that regard, where David Lynch only had practical effects and physical sets to work with.

All in all, this was a good adaptation, more than anything. It’s hard to say how it will play as a total body of work, once the second half is released, but I now have fairly high hopes for the completed picture. Granted, I assume that one will also be pretty slow.

Rating: 7.5/10

Film Review: The Brood (1979)

Release Date: May 25th, 1979
Directed by: David Cronenberg
Written by: David Cronenberg
Music by: Howard Shore
Cast: Oliver Reed, Samantha Eggar, Art Hindle

Mutual Productions, Elgin International Films, Canadian Film Development Corporation, New World Pictures, 92 Minutes

Review:

“They’re her children. More exactly, they’re the children of her rage.” – Dr. Hal Raglan

The Brood is one of my favorite David Cronenberg movies and the one where I think everything really clicked for him, as a director.

Man, the atmosphere is thick in this movie. Honestly, the picture just broods over you, as you watch it and while that pun is slightly intended, I don’t think that effect was specifically intended by Cronenberg. He just created such a gripping thriller that’s ridiculously creepy to the point that it sort of squeezes you, as the plot unfolds with dark twists and reveals that get increasingly more fucked up as the plot progresses to its insane and powerful finale.

The story is bizarre, batshit crazy and really takes body horror to a level that is distinctly Cronenberg but in 1979, had to simply shock the living hell out of moviegoers.

The picture also features a really creepy, facially deformed, killer kid. However, you then learn that there’s a few more… and eventually, a lot more.

It’s kind of hard to summarize the plot, but there’s this woo woo “scientist” and his cult-like therapy compound. The methods this guy uses leads to the horrors in the film and the physiological changes to the once normal mother of these mutant demon babies.

The film also features one of my favorite Oliver Reed performances. Admittedly, I think that Reed is always stupendous but he nails this role, is convincing as hell and despite his evils, you kind of want to see him survive the threat of the evil, rage-filled children.

I also thought that Samantha Eggar was so fucking good, especially when the big reveal happens. She was chilling, scary and like Reed, convincing.

David Cronenberg reached new heights, creatively speaking, with this motion picture. For film and especially horror aficionados, this was a great thing, as we’d get Scanners, Videodrome and The Fly remake in the coming years.

Rating: 8.5/10

Film Review: The Stepfather (1987)

Also known as: Kill, Daddy, Kill (Germany)
Release Date: January 23rd, 1987 (Los Angeles premiere)
Directed by: Joseph Ruben
Written by: Donald E. WEestlake, Carolyn Lefcourt, Brian Garfield
Music by: Patrick Moaz
Cast: Terry O’Quinn, Jill Schoelen, Shelley Hack

ITC Productions, New Century Vista Film Company, 89 Minutes

Review:

“I wanna ask you something. Are you interested in buying a house… Or are you interested in me?” – Jerry Blake

Since I had never seen any of the Stepfather films, I figured I’d rectify that this Halloween season. I, at least, want to watch the two with Terry O’Quinn because that guy is awesome and I really wanted to see how good he was in the role of an all-American dad/serial killer.

I’m glad to say that he was tremendous. I loved the hell out of him in both films. My review for the second one will be up in a few days,

I have to point out that this movie has one of the best openings in ’80s horror. It shows O’Quinn, as one of his multiple personas, getting ready for work but as it rolls on, some pretty messed up shit is slowly revealed until you see him reach the bottom of the stairs and step into a room full of bloody carnage and dead bodies. It sets the tone of the movie tremendously well and it stays burned into your memory, as you watch this psycho try to play the part of a happy, successful, suburban patriarch.

Beyond O’Quinn, the two other main characters, played by Jill Schoelen and Shelley Hack, are really good in this. I especially liked Schloelen, who I only know from Popcorn and the Robert Englund version of The Phantom of the Opera. Her scenes with O’Quinn are really good and terrifying and she does a really good job of wearing her fear and emotion on her face.

This movie was actually a bit more brutal than I had expected and it has a really solid finale and a pretty satisfying ending. Honestly, it’s a much better than average ’80s horror flick and I can’t believe that I had slept on it this long.

Rating: 7.5/10

Film Review: Angel Heart (1987)

Release Date: March 6th, 1987
Directed by: Alan Parker
Written by: Alan Parker
Based on: Falling Angel by William Hjortsberg
Music by: Trevor Jones
Cast: Mickey Rourke, Robert De Niro, Lisa Bonet, Charlotte Rampling

Union, Winkast Film Productions, Carolco Pictures, 113 Minutes

Review:

“They say there’s enough religion in the world to make men hate each other, but not enough to make them love.” – Louis Cyphre

I wanted to kickoff my Halloween movie season with something that many consider iconic but that I hadn’t seen, at least in its entirety. I chose Angel Heart, as it isn’t just horror but it’s also neo-noir and stars two elite talents in Mickey Rourke and Robert De Niro.

While I’ve seen segments of this motion picture, over the years, it’s rarely ever been on television and out of the thousands of movies I’ve come to own, this wasn’t one of them.

I really dug this movie tonally and aesthetically. It’s also tremendously well acted from the two leads, as well as Lisa Bonet and Charlotte Rampling, both of whom carry themselves fantastically alongside two real heavyweights.

This movie is just so dark and brooding that you feel it in your gut. It’s hard to describe but it reminds me of the feelings I get whenever I revisit The Serpent and the Rainbow. Well done voodoo movies just hit me on a guttural level, I guess. Maybe that’s because I live in southern Florida and have grown up around many Caribbean people, who have effected me over the years.

My only real issue is that sometimes it feels slow or uneventful. I think that the payoff, albeit predictable, is still satisfying and it helps bring everything together.

I actually don’t want to spoil too much about the plot but a private investigator is hired by a mysterious man in New York City. This man is looking for a lost pop singer named Johnny Favorite. The investigation leads the P.I. to New Orleans and the surrounding bayou a.k.a. voodoo country.

While there, and as the story progresses, things get increasingly more fucked up and weird. Eventually, this guy is in really deep and he starts to lose his mind, as bodies start piling up.

The art direction and cinematography in this film are incredible. While I think that was made easier by using the timeless architecture and locations in New Orleans, that doesn’t discount how well that city was captured on film and maximized to its fullest effect.

With that, this movie feels kind of timeless. Sure, it happens in a specific location and era but something about this film feels like it exists in its own special place and time. When you get to the ending, it may actually get you theorizing on why exactly this is.

Angel Heart is an incredibly unique experience and unlike just about anything I can think of. While I can’t call it great, it’s worth checking out at least once, because of that uniqueness. This picture won’t be everyone’s cup of tea but there’s really only one way for a person to find out.

Rating: 7.5/10

Film Review: Jigsaw (2017)

Also known as: Saw 8, Saw VIII, Saw: Legacy (working titles)
Release Date: October 25th, 2017 (Moscow premiere)
Directed by: The Spierig Brothers
Written by: Josh Stolberg, Peter Goldfinger
Music by: Charlie Clouser
Cast: Tobin Bell, Matt Passmore, Callum Keith Rennie, Clé Bennett, Hannah Emily Anderson, Laura Vandervoort, Mandela Van Peebles

Serendipity Productions, Burg Koules Hoffman Productions, Twisted Pictures, 92 Minutes

Review:

“The truth will set you free.” – Jigsaw

Well, after the terrible weekend where I forced myself through all of the original Saw sequels, I really didn’t want to have to jump into the more modern sequels at all… but there’s only two of them, so I figured I’d just power through them each in sperate sessions. Luckily, this film at least provided me with something that was a wee bit of a step up from those last several.

Granted, I say “wee bit” because this isn’t a particularly good movie but it stood out when compared to all the sequels after the third Saw.

As I’ve stated before, I like Tobin Bell as Jigsaw and I was glad that they found a way to actually have him in this, alive and as well as he could be, as the cancer hadn’t beat him yet.

With his presence, though, it left you wondering if him surviving cancer was some sort of clever Jigsaw trick all along. The big reveal in this chapter, as there’s always a big reveal in Saw movies, is that half of the plot takes place before the first Saw while the other half of the story is a sequel. So my worry of there being some type of stupid supernatural element thrown in was eased once the reveal happens.

There was also a pretty solid red herring in the movie, when you had to start guessing who might be pulling some of the strings, as you assume there is some sort of copycat Jigsaw or another unknown apprentice.

However, this, like it’s several predecessors, is nowhere near as clever as the original film. Additionally, the dual storylines that take place at different times is kind of confusing and a bit of a bloated clusterfuck.

One big positive, is that the people playing Jigsaw’s game in this are a lot less annoying than the groups in previous films. I thought Laura Vandervoort was pretty good and likable in this. Well, until her dark secret comes out.

As Saw sequels go, however, I felt like I wasted my time with a movie that’s just unpleasant, often times shrill and has very few redeeming qualities other than enjoying the pivotal scenes with Jigsaw in them.

Rating: 5/10