Film Review: Texas Chainsaw (2013)

Also known as: Texas Chainsaw 3D (original theatrical title)
Release Date: January 3rd, 2013 (Belgrade premiere)
Directed by: John Luessenhop
Written by: Adam Marcus, Debra Sullivan, Kirsten Elms, Stephen Susco
Based on: characters by Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper
Music by: John Frizzell
Cast: Alexandra Daddario, Dan Yeager, Tremaine ‘Trey Songz’ Neverson, Tania Raymonde, Thom Barry, Paul Rae, Bill Moseley, Scott Eastwood, Richard Riehle, Gunnar Hansen, Marilyn Burns, John Dugan

Mainline Pictures, Millennium Films, Lionsgate, 92 Minutes

Review:

“Family’s a messy business. Ain’t nothing thicker than blood.” – Darryl

This film was created to be a direct sequel to the 1974 original. There would then be a prequel film released in 2017, which established a new “trilogy” with these two 2010s bookends sandwiching the original. Granted, I don’t think anyone on the planet considers this “trilogy” to be their canon.

These new attempts at reviving the Texas Chainsaw Massacre were significantly worse than the two 2000s movies. Although, they are better than the worst sequels of the original four flicks.

Anyway, it should be apparent that this franchise has become a total clusterfuck. I also recently read that there is another reboot in the works. Whatever… keeping up with these constantly rebooted horror franchises is fucking exhausting.

There’s really only one redeeming thing about this movie and that’s Alexandra Daddario, who looks absolutely gorgeous. Seriously, this may be the best she’s looked but I also really like the goth/emo edge her character has.

Beyond that, it’s probably worth mentioning that Tania Raymonde was pretty hot in this too. But then, that’s obviously what the producers were going for and it’s been a major selling point of slasher-y type horror films since the ’70s.

The only sequence I really like in this movie is the opening. This actually features some cameos by previous Texas Chainsaw actors, most specifically Bill Moseley. After the opening, though, everything spirals downward into the second worse storyline in franchise history, which has only been outdone by the film that followed.

So Daddario inherits the killer family’s mansion and with it, Leatherface. Although Daddario and Leatherface have no idea that they’re blood relatives until the last five minutes of the movie and then suddenly they’re the tag team champions of west Texas, killing an evil politician, his cop son and their inbred minion.

In the end, Daddario decides, “Ah… fuck it… I might as well live in the psycho killer house and make meals for my homicidal maniac cousin that spent the whole film trying to kill me and succeeded at killing all my friends.”

Seriously, fuck this movie.

Rating: 4.5/10

Film Review: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Release Date: October 1st, 1974
Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Written by: Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper
Music by: Wayne Bell, Tobe Hooper
Cast: Marilyn Burns, Paul A. Partain, Edwin Neal, Jim Siedow, Gunnar Hansen, Teri McMinn

Vortex, Bryanston Pictures, 84 Minutes

Review:

Originally, I wanted to review the first four Texas Chainsaw films as a series, as they are considered to be the original run of films before the remakes, prequels and other alternate sequels started. However, every single film bearing the Texas Chainsaw name, follows its own continuity. Part 2 is one of many versions of a sequel. Part 3 ignores Part 2. Then you have Part 4, which ignores Parts 2 and 3 and establishes a “next generation” of characters. After that, the series was rebooted. Then the reboot got a prequel. Years later, another alternate sequel to the original was made. Now there is another prequel coming out within the next year or so; I’m not sure which of the films it is attached to. Needless to say, the continuity is confusing as hell, so I would rather review each film separately.

Artistically speaking, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre is the best film in the series, although I can’t call it great. Sorry, it just isn’t. It also isn’t my favorite in the series, that honor would go to the second part, which I will explain when I review that chapter in the franchise.

This film is insane and scary. The atmosphere and the characters create a sense of dread that has never been replicated in the series. The dinner scene is one of the most legitimately frightening moments in 1970s horror. The sets, the cinematography, the characters, the music, the sound, everything just melds together in a good way. The film does the job it set out to do.

The only thing about the movie that I hated, and many will probably agree, is the invalid brother Franklin. He was beyond obnoxious, stupid and annoying. I don’t see how anyone could feel bad about his death in the picture. I only wish it had come sooner and been a lot more violent.

One of the common misconceptions about this movie, is that people remember it as being extremely violent and bloody. It isn’t. Most of the actual gore happens out of the shot or is implied somehow. There is very little blood, overall. The film is just so intense, at the right moments, that it doesn’t need to slap you in the face with blood and guts.

I know I am in the minority, but I have never held this in the same regard as classics like A Nightmare On Elm Street, Halloween or Friday the 13th. It certainly isn’t as good as Black Christmas, another well-noted horror film from 1974. I have always liked it but it just doesn’t hold a special place for me like the other movies. And out of all the big time horror franchises, this one has spawned the most awful sequels.

Regardless of my criticism, Tobe Hooper made a solid horror picture for 1974. This is considered to be one of the greatest scary movies ever made. I can’t imagine how terrifying it must have been in 1974 when the world hadn’t really seen something this brutal. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre opened the flood gates for what was to come in the horror genre and that, more than anything else, is why this film is important.

Rating: 8/10