From Filmento’s YouTube description: Although 2013’s The Lone Ranger might’ve become the biggest box office flop of all time, Disney was not resting on their heels in that time period because just one year earlier they released another huge summer blockbuster flop, John Carter. This project was based on a book that was hot in the early 1900s, A Princess Of Mars, and ultimately became the first film in history to lose more than 200 million dollars. Business reasons aside, the core factors that contributed to this are quite similar to the main problems with The Lone Ranger, but only functioning in very different ways. So, in today’s Anatomy of a Failure, let’s see what Disney did with John Carter that broke the record of a 200 million dollar box office bomb. Well, firstly it’s like a mix of Lone Ranger and Mortal Engines which is not so great box office wise, but maybe there’s something else too.
Also known as: John Carter of Mars, A Princess of Mars, Barsoom (working titles) Release Date: February 22nd, 2012 (Los Angeles premiere) Directed by: Andrew Stanton Written by: Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon Based on:A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs Music by: Michael Giacchino Cast: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Mark Strong, Ciarán Hinds, Dominic West, James Purefoy, Willem Dafoe, Don Stark, Bryan Cranston, Thomas Haden Church, David Schwimmer, Jon Favreau
Walt Disney Pictures, 132 Minutes
Review:
“Did I not tell you he could jump!” – Tars Tarkas
I got to be honest, I didn’t think I’d get much out of this film but I was pleasantly surprised.
I never planned to watch it but I recently started reading Dynamite Entertainment’s comic book adaptations of the Barsoom stuff (titled Warlord of Mars) and I wanted to see how similar the comic book version of A Princess of Mars was to this film, a live action version of the same story.
They were pretty close, for the most part. Having never read the novel though, I’m not sure which is closer to the source material. I’d assume the comic though, as Disney loves to put their own stamp on their adaptations.
This is an action packed, epic adventure story. It’s grand in scale, is a hell of a lot of fun and is basically a swashbuckling romp on Mars. It’s like if you merged Disney’s Prince of Persia and Pirates of the Caribbean movies together and then threw them into outer space.
This was also one of the most expensive movies ever made but completely flopped at the box office and has become one of Disney’s biggest failures. The sad thing is that it wasn’t shit and the film did a fantastic job of world building: setting up future sequels. Honestly, having seen this now, I wish it would have evolved into a franchise.
I thought that Taylor Kitsch was convincing as John Carter and his chemistry with Lynn Collins’ Dejah Thoris was pretty good. But I actually preferred his relationship with his badass Martian dog, Woola. I smiled every time this cosmic canine was on the screen.
Plus, the Michael Giacchino score is superb. I loved the themes in this picture.
My only real complaint about the movie is that I didn’t like some of the character design. I’m not sure how true to the books the look of the Martians was but I preferred the bulkier, heavyset versions in the comics, as opposed to these skinny ones in the film. Still, the actors that played the Martians (primarily Willem Dafoe) did a solid job.
Additionally, the CGI was questionable in the quality of the characters. The special effects work great for the ships, vehicles, landscapes and architecture but the living, breathing characters felt artificial. And that’s kind of baffling considering the immense budget of this top tier motion picture.
None of the flaws are enough to distract you though. The total package is good and I enjoyed it enough to not want to nitpick the shit out of certain things that don’t wreck the film.
I hope that this being a massive flop won’t deter future filmmakers from taking on the Barsoom material. John Carter is a worthy enough character to live on in various forms forever. I just hope that someone can eventually make something that the people want to see because the Barsoom mythos is rich and deserving of further adaptations.
Rating: 7.5/10 Pairs well with: Disney’s Prince of Persia and Pirates of the Caribbean movies, as well as the first two Brendan Fraser Mummy films and Aquaman.
Also known as: Wolverine (working title) Release Date: April 8th, 2009 (Sydney premiere) Directed by: Gavin Hood Written by: David Benioff, Skip Woods Based on:Wolverine by Roy Thomas, Len Wein and John Romita Sr., X-Men by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby Music by: Harry Gregson-Williams Cast: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Ryan Reynolds, Lynn Collins, Danny Huston, Dominic Monaghan, Taylor Kitsch, Will.i.am, Kevin Durand, Daniel Henney, Patrick Stewart (cameo)
[Wolverine reveals his adamantium claws] “Oooh, shiny! Tell me something, Jimmy. Do you even know how to kill me?” – Sabretooth, “I’m gonna cut your goddamned head off! See if that works!” – Wolverine
This was the only X-Men related film that I had never seen. When the trailers first started coming out, I was completely turned off. I figured I’d see it in the theater after it was out for awhile but then I heard what everyone else thought of it, so my fears seemed to be true. I really just never had an urge to watch this and I love several of the characters and the actors in this picture. But, I have HBO and it is streaming on their app, so I figured I’d finally bite the bullet nine years later.
Well, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be but it’s still not very good.
The main problem with the film is how boring it is. Yes, it has a lot of action but it all felt generic, derivative and most of the sequences were so nonsensical it was hard not to laugh. The whole motorcycle versus helicopter chase scene was horrendous. Don’t even get me started on the Wolverine versus Deadpool fight. Besides, I’ll get to Deadpool in a minute.
This was just a dull film. I actually fell asleep twice and had to rewind back to pick up the last spot I remembered a few times. I didn’t watch this that late either, I put it on at six o’clock in the evening and then I was up for another three hours after I finished this snoozefest.
I guess the worst part about the film is that it destroys the continuity we know. Granted, each X-Men movie after the first found a way to mess up continuity but this film really takes the friggin’ cake. So is Liev Schreiber’s Sabretooth the same guy from 2000’s X-Men? I get that Wolverine loses his memory in this film but it still doesn’t make a lick of sense. We also get Emma Frost but then later they put her in First Class and then just said, “Oh yeah, Emma from the Origins movie that has the same power as Emma Frost isn’t actually Emma Frost, she’s just Emma… Emma with the same powers.” Gambit and the Blob are also in this movie but their roles are so small that they’re sort of pointless and served no purpose, especially since they never came back.
Then you get the biggest clusterfuck of all: Deadpool. This would have made sense had they kept him as he was in the first third of the film. But then they take the “Merc with a Mouth”, sew his mouth shut, don’t give him the Deadpool costume but end up giving him like a zillion mutant powers but mostly turned him into a Chinese knockoff of Baraka from the Mortal Kombat games. I mean, this was worse for Ryan Reynolds than his terrible Green Lantern film.
This is a movie where a whole bunch of stuff happens but none of it seems that important and frankly, I can’t even remember most of it and I just watched this movie.
So what’s good about it?
Well, Jackman was solid and so was Liev Schreiber. I also liked Reynolds as Deadpool even though he very much feels like the diet version of the character. That is, until they sew his mouth shut and crap all over the character in every way imaginable.
So there’s not much else I really like but I guess it was cool seeing Dominic Monaghan in this, as well as getting a glimpse at Gambit, even if he was mostly pointless.
I’ll probably never revisit this film.
Rating: 5/10 Pairs well with: The original X-Men trilogy of films. Also, the other two Wolverine pictures.
Release Date: May 19th, 2006 (Cannes) Directed by: William Friedkin Written by: Tracy Letts Based on:Bug by Tracy Letts Music by: Brian Tyler Cast: Ashley Judd, Michael Shannon, Lynn Collins, Brian F. O’Byrne, Harry Connick Jr.
“I guess I’d rather talk with you about bugs than nothing with nobody.” – Agnes White
William Friedkin is most associated with directing The Exorcist. This film, however, leaves you with a similar sense of disgust and dread.
In this picture, we meet Agnes, a lonely Oklahoma woman that works in a gay bar and lives in a rundown hotel. She does drugs and fools around with a lesbian, has a psycho ex-husband that just got out of prison and is still emotionally wrecked from the loss of her child.
Agnes is introduced to Peter and immediately develops in infatuation with him. Peter and Agnes get very close and intimate, even though Peter “isn’t into women” or anyone for that matter. Soon, we learn that Peter believes in all sorts of crazy conspiracies and even thinks that he was implanted with flesh eating bugs as some sort of military experiment.
As the film rolls on, Peter gets more erratic and insane and Agnes follows suit, believing him every step of the way. She starts seeing what Peter is seeing.
The film is magnificently shot. The opening scene that pans over a dark and barren landscape, slowly moving towards a small hotel in the distance, is beautiful and haunting. The cinematography in the last twenty minutes or so, showing these two insane people in a confined space of tin foil walls glowing from bug zappers is eerie and enchanting. This film certainly looks spectacular.
Bug also benefits from the tremendous performances by both Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon, who sell their characters to the point that their slip into madness feels organic and terrifying.
Despite the solid acting, though, the characters aren’t nearly developed enough in the script and it is hard to feel anything deeper for them beyond their psychotic surface. Sure, your heart aches in a way but you don’t necessarily like these two people or find them to be that interesting. Watching anyone slip into a horrible state of mental health is always engaging to some degree but this film lacks the soul it needs to really make it as profound as it was trying to be.
Besides, everything just sort of happens and once the crazy ball gets rolling, we’re off to the races and it goes from 0 to 60 in record time.
Bug is a film that has a lot of strengths but doesn’t do much to capitalize on them other than just throwing them on the screen and hoping it works on its own. It’s hard to say whether or not the script was lacking, although it seems as though it was, or if Friedkin failed to bring it all together. I think the blame is really on both of those things, though.
Plus, you’re supposed to wonder if Peter is actually telling the truth and isn’t just nuts. I never once thought he was anything but nuts and saw this all as a shared delusion. I know that I was supposed to question it but that just didn’t work for me.
Additionally, the ending is pretty terrible and didn’t add anything to the narrative. Things just sort of end very badly and very blandly.
This is a creepy and disturbing movie that will certainly make you uncomfortable but it is just as much unsatisfying as it is mesmerizing.
Rating: 6/10 Pairs well with: Other body horror films: The Brood, The Fly, etc.
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Talking Pulp 
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