Also known as: Go! – Sex, Drugs & Rave’n’Roll (German VHS title), Life with Ronna (Welsh title) Release Date: February 20th, 1999 (Miami International Film Festival) Directed by: Doug Liman Written by: John August Music by: BT Cast: Sarah Polley, Katie Holmes, Timothy Olyphant, Desmond Askew, Taye Diggs, William Fichtner, J. E. Freeman, Jane Krakowski, Breckin Meyer, Jay Mohr, Scott Wolf, Manu Intiraymi, James Duvall, Melissa McCarthy
Saratoga Entertainment, Banner Entertainment, Columbia Pictures, 102 Minutes
Review:
“You come here, out of the blue, asking for 20 hits. Just so happens 20 is the magic number where intent to sell becomes trafficking!” – Todd
When this came out, I had a lot of friends that talked about it and liked it quite a bit. I never got around to seeing it and it has been in my Starz queue since I first got Starz, years back.
As I’ve been trying to clear out the things in all my queues that have just been sitting there for eons, I was pretty excited to finally check this film out. And I guess I never knew that Doug Liman directed it, early in his career.
Overall, this is a pretty energetic picture. It’s also got several cool and likable characters, even if nearly all of them are committing crimes in the effort to pay back rent and have a good time.
There are three stories in this film that intertwine and they’re each broken out into roughly half hour segments with a bookend to introduce multiple characters and another bookend to closeout the story.
Out of the three stories, I was most engaged by the first one, which saw Sarah Polley basically become a one-time drug dealer because she needs money. Also, there is a rave later that night where she can go and try to make a hefty profit. However, when she accidentally fucks over the drug dealer, he comes for her, but not before she is hit by a speeding car and knocked down a hill.
The second story follows the kid that normally deals drugs. However, he isn’t around town because he’s headed to Vegas for an adventure with his buds. However, this also goes sideways and the friends have to escape a vengeful strip club bouncer and owner, after a debaucherous mishap that ended in a non-lethal shooting.
The third story deals with two gay actors who are secretly in love and how they get busted by a narcotics detective that decides to use them to entrap someone else in exchange for their freedom. This crosses over with the first plot thread, as Sarah Polley’s character is who they approach for drugs and it’s the event that sets her off on her path. What we find out here, though, is that these were the people in the car that hit her. So now they’ve got to try and clean up their mess.
I don’t want to spoil too much of the plot and I won’t reveal the ending or how this all comes together in a big way. But it’s a movie with a lot of layers and solid actors playing these great, interesting characters.
Go is a better motion picture than I thought it would be, even with years of praise from friends in the back of my mind. Frankly, I should’ve watched it much sooner. Had I seen this back when it was current, it probably would’ve been a movie I watched a lot back in my youth.
Rating: 8/10 Pairs well with: other late ’90s dark teen dramas/comedies.
Also known as: Double Dragon: The Movie (alternative title) Release Date: November 4th, 1994 Directed by: James Yukich (as James Nickson) Written by: Paul Dini, Neal Shusterman, Michael Davis, Peter Gould Based on:Double Dragon by Technos Japan Music by: Jay Ferguson, Tolga Katas Cast: Robert Patrick, Mark Dacascos, Scott Wolf, Julia Nickson, Alyssa Milano, Leon Russom, Kristina Wagner, George Hamilton, Vanna White, Andy Dick, Cory Milano, Al Leong, Jeff Imada
Greenleaf Productions, Imperial Entertainment, Les Films du Scarabée, 96 Minutes
Review:
“I just want total domination of one major American City! Is that too much to ask for? Is it? Is it? Huh?” – Guisman
So out of all the “terrible” video game movies of the ’90s, this is one I hadn’t seen until now. While I loved the Double Dragon video game franchise, I never wanted to see this after the trailer for it dropped back in 1994. It looked horrendously bad, poorly adapted and like a hokey, steaming pile of shit.
That being said, I did enjoy the hell out of this even if it’s a pretty shitty movie. I know that I would’ve hated it when it was current, however. Especially, because I loved the tone of the Double Dragon games and in that regard, this didn’t just miss the mark, it wasn’t even aiming in the first place.
The film is bad from top-to-bottom but some of the big action sequences are actually kind of impressive in regards to how well this made the most of a moderate budget. It was able to give us a cool boat chase scene with good pyrotechnics and action. Plus, some of the sets, as corny as they are, were fairly large and well designed for the bizarre world that this film takes place in.
Sadly, the special effects took somewhat of a budgetary hit in the poor use of obvious matte paintings and the giant rubber suit the Abobo actor was forced to wear.
Additionally, the acting is pretty damn bad but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy how over-the-top and hammy Robert Patrick was in his role as the villain.
To put it bluntly, this is a bad movie but it’s weird as fuck. I really enjoy weird movies and because of that, I liked this. That doesn’t mean that I’ll ever watch it again or give it a positive rating but I’ve enjoyed other films that were far worse than this.
Granted, I would watch a RiffTrax version of this movie if one exists.
Rating: 4.5/10 Pairs well with: other ’90s video game film adaptations.
With the upcoming release of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film, which is a reboot, I wanted to revisit the original film series. I hadn’t seen these movies since the 90s and I hadn’t seen the 2007 CGI sequel at all. I remember really liking the first two and finding the third one to be pretty boring. Maybe it was because it was missing their main antagonist, Shredder. Regardless of all that, here’s what I felt about these films now.
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990):
Release Date: March 30th, 1990 Directed by: Steve Barron Written by: Todd W. Langen, Bobby Herbeck Based on:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird Music by: John Du Prez Cast: Judith Hoag, Elias Koteas, Robbie Rist, Brian Tochi, Corey Feldman, Kevin Clash, Sam Rockwell, Scott Wolf (uncredited)
Golden Harvest, Limelight Entertainment, 888 Productions, Mirage Enterprises, Northshore Investments, New Line Cinema, 93 Minutes
Review:
“Damn.” – Raphael
This first film in the series was the best of the original trilogy. It was gritty, it was fun, it was action packed and it embodied everything that made the TMNT franchise unique and awesome. Seeing this in the theater as a 5th grader, blew my damn mind.
The turtle costumes were phenomenal, the facial animatronics were outstanding and the range of movement the martial artists had inside the suits was uncanny. The acting in this film, considering what it is, wasn’t bad. Elias Koteas as Casey Jones and Judith Hoag as April O’Neil were both really good. I cared about their characters and even their romance.
My favorite part in the whole film though, had to be Shredder. For a live-action movie based on a comic book, especially for the era, he looked fantastic and menacing. I can’t even imagine a better looking Shredder in a real world sense.
Splinter was also pretty great and Kevin Clash (most famous for playing Sesame Street‘s Elmo) provided him with a good voice that gave a sense of authority and respect to a character that is really just an animatronic rat.
The movie never stops once it gets going. It actually flies by pretty quickly and is well-paced. Props to the writers who made a really good script and to the director, who orchestrated how it all went down.
Look for a very young Sam Rockwell playing a thug in a few scenes.
Rating: 8.5/10
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991):
Release Date: March 22nd, 1991 Directed by: Michael Pressman Written by: Todd W. Langen Based on:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird Music by: John Du Prez Cast: Paige Turco, David Warner, Ernie Reyes Jr., François Chau, Kevin Nash, Vanilla Ice, Robbie Rist, Brian Tochi, Kevin Clash, Frank Welker
Golden Harvest, Mirage Enterprises, Northshore Investments, New Line Cinema, 88 Minutes
Review:
“Go, ninja! Go, ninja! Go!” – Vanilla Ice
It didn’t take long for Golden Harvest and New Line Cinema to pop out a sequel. This movie came out less than a year before its predecessor. While it still turned out pretty well, you can feel that it is lacking in quality from the first film and that they didn’t prepare for it as well.
Also, the turtles use their weapons a lot less than the first movie because busybody assholes thought that the darker and more violent tone of the previous film was too much for kids to handle. The lack of darker tone, hurt this movie.
Unfortunately, neither Judith Hoag or Elias Koteas returned for this film. I’m not sure why but due to the film being rushed out, one could assume that it had to do with scheduling conflicts. The April O’Neil character is still in the film but was recast with Paige Turco.
I do still like this movie but I miss the atmosphere of the first one. These aren’t films that you should take too seriously, but this one got a bit too campy and the script just wasn’t as good.
The edition of David Warner to the cast, an actor I have always enjoyed, as well as Ernie Reyes Jr., who is still the best kid martial artist I have ever seen, was a treat. Vanilla Ice also shows up to give us the greatest ninja-themed rap song of all-time.
Shredder was better looking in this film, as they retrofitted his helmet and made the sharp edges on it look like bad ass buzzsaw blades. However, when he became Super Shredder, he was just ridiculous and completely pointless as he killed himself in about ten seconds. Although it was cool that wrestling legend Kevin Nash was the guy in the Super Shredder suit.
The evil mutants that they made to combat the Turtles, were horrible. They should’ve done what kids were familiar with and gave us the famous Turtle villains Bebop and Rocksteady. Instead, we got Tokka and Rahzar. Stupid names for stupid characters.
All bullshit aside, I still really enjoy this film for what it is but it lacks in a lot of areas compared to the first.
Rating: 6.25/10
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993):
Release Date: March 19th, 1993 Directed by: Stuart Gillard Written by: Stuart Gillard Based on:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird Music by: John Du Prez Cast: Paige Turco, Elias Koteas, Vivian Wu, Sab Shimono, Stuart Wilson, Brian Tochi, Robbie Rist, Corey Feldman
Golden Harvest, Clearwater Holdings, New Line Cinema, 96 Minutes
Review:
“I think I swallowed a frog. I hope it wasn’t an ancestor.” – Donatello
Some people call this film Turtles In Time but that was the name of a TMNT video game. This film plot-wise, is completely unrelated to that game but they do share a time travel element.
I remember watching this just once as a kid and that was on video, as I didn’t even bother to see it in the theater. I just found the idea of the Turtles traveling back to feudal Japan to not be a story worthy enough to carry a film. It seemed like a bad one-off episode of the cartoon and at least those episodes are just twenty minutes.
Watching it now, over twenty years later, I still don’t like the film. It is boring, soulless and flat. There is really nothing interesting or redeeming about the film. Elias Koteas shows back up, after skipping out on the second film, but he is essentially wasted.
The villain is some evil British guy who comes off like an unfunny poor man’s version of Rik Mayall. Had he actually been played by Rik Mayall and humorously, the film may have been a tad bit better. But even Rik Mayall couldn’t have saved it.
The Turtles were also redesigned for this movie and they look like shit. They added a bunch of spots to them, gave them bigger eyes that looked incredibly fake and their animatronics were clunky at best.
After all that time to heal and accept this for what it is, I still hate this film.
Rating: 2.75/10
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TMNT (2007):
Release Date: March 17th, 2007 (Grauman’s Chinese Theatre premiere) Directed by: Kevin Munroe Written by: Kevin Munroe Based on:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird Music by: Klaus Badelt Cast: Chris Evans, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Mako, Kevin Smith, Patrick Stewart, Ziyi Zhang, Laurence Fishburne
Imagi Animation Studios, Warner Bros., 87 Minutes
Review:
“Duuuude.” – Michelangelo
This film is considered the fourth in the series and takes place quite some time after the others. It is also the first (and only) to be CGI instead of live-action.
This movie is pretty good. There is a lot story-wise that makes this one the best written of the series. There is a whole subplot about Raphael being a masked vigilante hero on a motorcycle, which would be great as its own standalone movie.
Also, Casey Jones is back in a much more expanded role, as he teams up with Raphael on their vigilante adventures. Although I wish Elias Koteas would’ve voiced Casey Jones, Chris Evans did a solid job.
There is another cool subplot about Leonardo living and training in solitude in Central America, which added a lot of depth to his character and his struggle as a leader.
As for the CGI, it was very well done. It wasn’t Pixar or DreamWorks level but it held its own and it was fluid and worked great with the action sequences of the film. The only thing that seemed off was that the voices were different. For instance, Splinter seemed like an entirely different character and this kind of gets in the way of consistency with the live action films. However, the Laurence Fishburne narration was fantastic.
Having now watched the original trilogy again and this film, I’d rank this as second behind the original.
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Talking Pulp 
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