TV Review: Chucky (2021- )

Original Run: October 12th, 2021 – current
Created by: Don Mancini
Directed by: various
Written by: various
Based on: characters by Don Mancini
Music by: Joseph LoDuca
Cast: Zackary Arthur, Björgvin Arnarson, Alyvia Alyn Lind, Teo Briones, Brad Dourif, Jennifer Tilly, Fiona Dourif, Alex Vincent, Christine Elise, Lexa Doig, Devon Sawa, Barbara Alyn Woods, Michael Therriault

Pheidippides, David Kirschner Productions, Eat the Cat, Universal, Syfy, USA Network, 8 Episodes (so far), 45 Minutes (per episode)

Review:

I’ve been a fan of every Child’s Play/Chucky film that’s ever come out and featured the Brad Dourif version of the character. All the stuff that Don Mancini has done with his franchise has been solid and entertaining. I’ve loved seeing this evolve over almost thirty-five years now.

So I was a lot more enthused about this than I was the Child’s Play remake from a few years ago, despite my love of Aubrey Plaza. But like I said in that review, the doll and the concept were different enough that they shouldn’t have made it a Chucky movie, it should’ve been its own thing. And had it been, they could’ve done a killer doll crossover at some point. Hollywood is out of ideas, though. But at least someone in that town greenlit this series, regardless of the remake and how it sort of came and went then fizzled out. Are they even doing a sequel to that one? I have no idea.

Anyway, this television series picks up after the events of Cult of Chucky. With that, we revisit the interesting concepts and developments that film introduced. Making this a television series, instead of another 90 minute movie, was the best thing they could’ve done, as it gives the story enough time to explore its new creative avenues.

Just about all the characters from the past come back, as well, as that was something that Mancini started two movies ago.

The main characters in this series, however, are a group of middle school aged kids. They have their middle school aged problems and Chucky capitalizes on that in an effort to coach a kid into killing. The reason being, is that this will allow Chucky to use a new sort of voodoo magic that I won’t reveal because I don’t want to spoil too much of the show.

Ultimately, this is really fucking entertaining in the way that you’d expect but it also exceeded my expectations and subverted some, as well.

Obviously, you have to suspend disbelief quite a bit but if you’re able to, this is just a fun, ridiculous show with a beloved psycho.

Rating: 7.5/10

Film Review: Halloween II (2009)

Also known as: H2 (working title)
Release Date: August 28th, 2009
Directed by: Rob Zombie
Written by: Rob Zombie
Based on: Halloween by John Carpenter, Debra Hill
Music by: Tyler Bates
Cast: Malcolm McDowell, Scout Taylor-Compton, Tyler Mane, Sheri Moon Zombie, Brad Dourif, Danielle Harris, Chase Wright Vanek, Brea Grant, Howard Hesseman, Angela Trimbur, Bill Fagerbakke, Richard Brake, Dayton Callie, Margot Kidder, Richard Riehle, Mark Boone Junior, Caroline Williams, Octavia Spencer, Chris Hardwick, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Sean Whalen 

Spectacle Entertainment Group, Trancas International Films, Dimension Films, 105 Minutes

Review:

“[yelling outside her house, drunk] Hey, world! Guess what. I’m Michael Myers’ sister! I’m so fucked!” – Laurie Strode

Yay! More white trash!

Rob Zombie really outdid the awfulness of his first Halloween movie with this fucktardedly executed turd biscuit!

So Michael Myers obviously isn’t dead but this time around, he just wears a large hooded trenchcoat and looks nothing like the character that has been burned into the public’s psyche for three decades, upon this movie’s release. In fact, he looks more like Tyler Mane’s other most famous role, Sabretooth from 2000’s X-Men. Granted, he does wear the famous Myers mask but it barely matters as the rest of his look is so drastically different.

Anyway, I remember when this came out and people were like, “Oh, yes! Now that the ‘remake’ is done, Rob Zombie can give us his vision of what Halloween should be!” Seriously, you people wanted to see Zombie’s full take on these characters after his diarrhea-brained alterations to the original film?

So here we are, dipshits, as Rob Zombie fumbles the ball harder than a drunk Browns player with the flu in a Superbowl-clinching game.

What’s the problem? Well, this is basically more of the same with a heavy emphasis on all the bad shit that wrecked the previous film. Also, Loomis is stripped down and made into a terribly shitty character.

The absolutely worst thing, though, was Rob Zombie bringing his wife back as a fucking ghost lady with a white horse and the ghost of little Michael even though big Michael is still alive. I can only imagine that this was done because god forbid Zombie doesn’t give his wife a job. In this movie, though, she solidified what I’ve always known and that’s the fact that she’s an atrocious actress. She legitimately makes Zombie’s movies worse just by being in them.

Additionally, I was kind of indifferent to Scout Taylor-Compton’s vanilla interpretation of Laurie Strode but by the end of this movie, I hated her too.

At the end of the day, fuck this movie and fuck Rob Zombie.

Rating: 2.5/10

Film Review: Halloween (2007)

Also known as: Halloween: Retribution (working title)
Release Date: August 31st, 2007
Directed by: Rob Zombie
Written by: Rob Zombie
Based on: Halloween by John Carpenter, Debra Hill
Music by: Tyler Bates, John Carpenter (original themes)
Cast: Malcolm McDowell, Scout Taylor-Compton, Tyler Mane, Sheri Moon Zombie, Brad Dourif, Danielle Harris, William Forsythe, Daeg Faerch, Richard Lynch, Udo Kier, Clint Howard, Danny Trejo, Lew Temple, Tom Towles, Bill Moseley, Leslie Easterbrook, Skyler Gisondo, Kristina Klebe, Dee Wallace, Ken Foree, Sybil Danning, Sid Haig

Spectacle Entertainment Group, Nightfall Productions, Dimension Films, 109 Minutes

Review:

“His eyes will deceive you; they will destroy you. They will take from you your innocence, your pride, and eventually your soul. These eyes do not see what you and I see. Behind these eyes one finds only blackness, the absence of light. These are the eyes of a psychopath.” – Dr. Samuel Loomis

Fuck, this movie is such shit.

I’d say it’s the worst Halloween film ever made and it actually was until, for some reason, Rob Zombie was allowed to make an even worse sequel.

This movie sucks because it completely destroys the mystery around Michael Myers the second it starts. It shows him as a kid and it shows his terrible white trash family. In fact, it’s this white trash family that made me realize that Rob Zombie has a terrible obsession with white trash without fully understanding it. It’s like he fetishizes what he thinks it is and then turns the volume on all of his characters up to thirty-one. Huh… maybe that’s why he made another white trash movie called 31.

Anyway, it also doesn’t help that Michael Myers is a hulking beast and he can literally flip a car over in this film series, as he does in the second one. Now I generally like Tyler Mane and he should definitely play slasher characters but for the role of Michael Myers, his level of mass was just too over the top. It’s almost like Zombie wanted Myers to be a suped up Jason Voorhees like the version from Freddy vs. Jason.

Back to the origin bullshit, it’s completely unnecessary, as Michael Myers is just a mysterious force of nature. All we know is that when he was the small child of an apparently normal middle class (not white trash) family, he murdered his older sister and was then sent away to a mental institution. Frankly, that’s all we’ve ever needed to know because the films have never been about who Michael is.

The film is also ridiculous in how the Myers family is this blatantly white trash family with thick but poorly executed Southern accents while the rest of the town is a normal middle class, Midwest neighborhood without Southern accents. Well, some characters have accents but it’s kind of random who does and who doesn’t but half the population doesn’t sound like people from rural Illinois.

The second half of the film is better than the white trash heavy first half, however, it’s just a retread of the original, far superior, John Carpenter Halloween film.

There are only two things I liked about this movie.

The first was Malcolm McDowell as a very different version of Dr. Loomis. However, like many of McDowell’s roles, he provides a solid performance in a film that is far below his level of talent.

The second was all the cameos from horror legends I love. Although, most of them disappear as quickly as they show up and it just feels like cheap fan service.

Rating: 4/10

Film Review: Leatherface (2017)

Also known as: Texas Chainsaw 4 (working title)
Release Date: August 25th, 2017 (UK – Horror Channel FrightFest premiere)
Directed by: Julien Maury, Alexandre Bustillo
Written by: Seth M. Sherwood
Based on: characters by Tobe Hooper, Kim Henkel
Music by: John Frizzell
Cast: Stephen Dorff, Lili Taylor, Vanessa Grasse, Sam Strike, Chris Adamson, Finn Jones, 

Campbell Grobman Films, LF2 Productions, Lionsgate, 90 Minutes

Review:

“You take one of mine, and I’ll take all yours, Verna. All of ’em.” – Hal Hartman

So this was created to be a prequel to the original 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre, dismissing all other movies in the franchise except for 2013’s Texas Chainsaw, which was the end of this “trilogy” that no one wanted or liked except Lionsgate.

This movie is terrible but it’s not the worst Texas Chainsaw flick.

Still, it’s abysmally bad with a terrible fucking storyline that is supposed to be the origin of Leatherface. However, it’s so far off the mark that this could’ve just been a seperate movie about completely unrelated characters and no one would have noticed except for the chainsaw being forced in, as some sort of unnecessary plot device.

Anyway, the killer family kills the sheriff’s daughter. With that, the sheriff vows to take all of Mama Verna’s babies away. He succeeds in getting Jedediah locked up. Jeb changes his name to Jackson and he’s just some skinny normal teen that looks nothing like the hulking beast that Leatherface is. However, they throw in a hulking fat kid that acts half-retarded to serve as some sort of red herring that doesn’t work because we know the skinny kid is future Leatherface.

So, teen Leatherface, fat kid and a nurse get kidnapped by a psycho idiot and his psycho girlfriend during a prison break at the teenager psych ward. Leatherface, fatty and nurse babe are held against their will but have a billion chances at escaping but never do. Shit eventually hits the fan, fatty gets killed, the psycho couple gets killed and Leatherface and nurse babe escape in a car for some reason, which leads to Leatherface getting half his face shot off while also being made mentally handicapped by the ordeal.

This eventually leads to Leatherface killing the cop in a really gruesome way that I was actually kind of impressed by. However, he then murders nurse babe too and then goes back to the psycho mansion to suckle his psycho mom’s breasts.

Well, as I ended the review of the previous film in this series… fuck this movie.

Rating: 4/10

Film Review: Texas Chainsaw (2013)

Also known as: Texas Chainsaw 3D (original theatrical title)
Release Date: January 3rd, 2013 (Belgrade premiere)
Directed by: John Luessenhop
Written by: Adam Marcus, Debra Sullivan, Kirsten Elms, Stephen Susco
Based on: characters by Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper
Music by: John Frizzell
Cast: Alexandra Daddario, Dan Yeager, Tremaine ‘Trey Songz’ Neverson, Tania Raymonde, Thom Barry, Paul Rae, Bill Moseley, Scott Eastwood, Richard Riehle, Gunnar Hansen, Marilyn Burns, John Dugan

Mainline Pictures, Millennium Films, Lionsgate, 92 Minutes

Review:

“Family’s a messy business. Ain’t nothing thicker than blood.” – Darryl

This film was created to be a direct sequel to the 1974 original. There would then be a prequel film released in 2017, which established a new “trilogy” with these two 2010s bookends sandwiching the original. Granted, I don’t think anyone on the planet considers this “trilogy” to be their canon.

These new attempts at reviving the Texas Chainsaw Massacre were significantly worse than the two 2000s movies. Although, they are better than the worst sequels of the original four flicks.

Anyway, it should be apparent that this franchise has become a total clusterfuck. I also recently read that there is another reboot in the works. Whatever… keeping up with these constantly rebooted horror franchises is fucking exhausting.

There’s really only one redeeming thing about this movie and that’s Alexandra Daddario, who looks absolutely gorgeous. Seriously, this may be the best she’s looked but I also really like the goth/emo edge her character has.

Beyond that, it’s probably worth mentioning that Tania Raymonde was pretty hot in this too. But then, that’s obviously what the producers were going for and it’s been a major selling point of slasher-y type horror films since the ’70s.

The only sequence I really like in this movie is the opening. This actually features some cameos by previous Texas Chainsaw actors, most specifically Bill Moseley. After the opening, though, everything spirals downward into the second worse storyline in franchise history, which has only been outdone by the film that followed.

So Daddario inherits the killer family’s mansion and with it, Leatherface. Although Daddario and Leatherface have no idea that they’re blood relatives until the last five minutes of the movie and then suddenly they’re the tag team champions of west Texas, killing an evil politician, his cop son and their inbred minion.

In the end, Daddario decides, “Ah… fuck it… I might as well live in the psycho killer house and make meals for my homicidal maniac cousin that spent the whole film trying to kill me and succeeded at killing all my friends.”

Seriously, fuck this movie.

Rating: 4.5/10

Vids I Dig 836: Whang!: The Story of Harvey Weinstein’s First Movie – ‘The Burning’ (1981)

Film Review: Four Flies on Grey Velvet (1971)

Also known as: 4 mosche di velluto grigio (original Italian title)
Release Date: December 17th, 1971 (Rome premiere)
Directed by: Dario Argento
Written by: Dario Argento, Luigi Cozzi, Mario Foglietti
Music by: Ennio Morricone
Cast: Michael Brandon, Mimsy Farmer, Jean-Pierre Marielle, Francine Racette, Bud Spencer

Universal Productions France, Seda Spettacoli, 104 Minutes

Review:

“Exactly. You see before you a fully-fledged, highly-qualified private investigator with an extensive knowledge of modern science at his very fingertips. And, in spite of this, in three years of honest practice, I haven’t solved a single case.” – Gianni Arrosio

This is the one Dario Argento movie from the ’70s and ’80s that I had never seen and that has more to do with it never streaming anywhere. It’s been in my Prime Video queue for years and I check every month to see if it popped up on any of the services available on my Firestick. Well, it finally did!

It also irked me that it took me so long to see this because it is a part of the loose Animal Trilogy of films that Argento did back-to-back-to-back in less than two years from 1970-to-1971. This is the last of those films and the ones that predate it are The Bird With the Crystal Plumage and The Cat O’ Nine Tails.

Oddly, each film seems to be a slight step down with Crystal Plumage being my favorite of the trio.

That doesn’t mean that this one was bad, it just had two things working against it in comparison to the other two.

The first is that it was pretty predictable. My first hunch as to who the killer was, was correct. However, this could’ve just been due to only having the English language dub to watch, as the voice of the killer made it clear to me that it was probably a woman. I’m not sure how the voice came across in the original Italian language version and this giveaway could’ve just been due to a shit English dub.

The second thing that works against it, is that it was the least stylish and opulent looking of the three movies. It is nowhere near as vivid, cool and exquisite as Crystal Plumage and it also falls below Nine Tails, as well.

I did think the killer mask was creepy as hell and really cool, though. Like the other Argento giallo pictures, this plays like a proto-slasher flick. The slasher-y bits and the kills were all pretty good and the film wasn’t lacking in that regard.

I was also impressed with the end of the film, which features a slowed down, violent car crash.

Overall, this was a good giallo and a good movie in general. While it’s far from Argento’s best it’s still worth checking out if you are a fan of the man’s other work.

Rating: 6.5/10

Film Review: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

Also known as: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Origin (working title)
Release Date: October 5th, 2006 (Taiwan)
Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman
Written by: Sheldon Turner, David J. Schow
Based on: The Texas Chain Saw Massacreby Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper
Music by: Steve Jabolonsky
Cast: Jordana Brewster, Taylor Handley, Diora Baird, Matt Bomer, Lee Tergesen, R. Lee Ermey, Andrew Bryniarski, Lew Temple

Next Entertainment, Platinum Dunes, New Line Cinema, 91 Minutes

Review:

“People may not remember what we say here tonight, but by God they’ll remember what we did.” – Sheriff Hoyt

For Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, I think the two original remakes are both pretty decent, this one being the second of the two, albeit a prequel to the first. The second attempt at a reboot was definitely worse and I’ll probably review those two movies at a later date.

I don’t like this one as much as the 2003 film with Jessica Biel but I do think that the writing, as far as telling the origin story of the killer family, was pretty damn solid and creative.

I’m not sure how much they thought about the family’s backstory in the 2003 movie but this one does interesting things in showing how the patriarch became Sheriff, how the uncle lost his legs, how the Sheriff lost his teeth and some other cool things that called back to details in the previous film that otherwise seemed unimportant. I love when writers do stuff like this, especially when having to add to the mythos that a different writer established.

Beyond that, everything else in this is incredibly derivative and there’s nothing here that you haven’t seen before and done better.

I did like Jordana Brewster and this was the only thing I knew her from other than the first Fast & Furious movie. In the years since, I’ve seen her in a lot and I really, really liked her on the Lethal Weapon television series.

Like the previous movie, I loved R. Lee Ermey in this one too. Man, he’s just such a good psycho asshole. He really ups the ante in this one, especially in regards to becoming the Sheriff.

The thing that was really working against this movie from the beginning, though, was that you knew no one could survive because it was a prequel. So the twist ending, where they want you to think the “final” girl escapes, wasn’t shocking at all. Also, it didn’t make sense unless Leatherface has the power of teleportation.

I understand why they made this movie; the 2003 remake was really successful. But honestly, this chapter didn’t really need to exist. I’m glad that they made the most out of the origin story stuff but beyond that, there’s just not much here. Still, it’s probably one of the better Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies because most of them are all just the same.

Rating: 5.5/10

Film Review: Stepfather 2: Make Room For Daddy (1989)

Also known as: Stepfather II (original title)
Release Date: November 3rd, 1989
Directed by: Jeff Burr
Written by: John Auerbach
Music by: Jim Manzie
Cast: Terry O’Quinn, Meg Foster, Caroline Williams, Jonathan Brandis

Millimeter Films, Part II Productions, ITC Productions, 93 Minutes

Review:

“Haven’t I been like a father to that boy? I even had sex with you for Chrissake!” – Gene Clifford

Stepfather 2: Make Room for Daddy doesn’t quite live up to its predecessor but it’s still a good, slasher-y, black comedy. And while this isn’t really comedy, Terry O’Quinn is just so damn entertaining and kind of goofy as the murderous stepfather.

I think the thing that really makes this chapter in the trilogy of films stand out on its own is the rest of the cast.

First, you have Meg Foster, who I always appreciated in They Live and Masters of the Universe. You’ve also got Caroline Williams, who I will always associate with Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, my favorite film in that series. Lastly, you’ve got a really young Jonathan Brandis just before he’d go on to do The NeverEnding Story II and a slew of other movies.

The four main actors in this all play off of each other really well. I especially liked the tension between O’Quinn and Williams, as she continued to put him on the defensive by investigating who he really was.

Brandis was really impressive, as he was still really young but he wasn’t annoying and carried his own alongside the rest of the cast.

For the most part, this movie repeats the beats of the first one but even if it’s a bit derivative, O’Quinn hams it up and makes it interesting. Also, when he turns psycho on a dime, it’s convincing.

There is a third movie that came out a few years later, which O’Quinn didn’t return for. I’m not super enthused about checking it out because of that but I may still give it a watch to review it in the near future.

Rating: 6.5/10

Film Review: Freaky (2020)

Also known as: Freaky Friday the 13th (working title)
Release Date: October 8th, 2020 (Beyond Fest)
Directed by: Christopher Landon
Written by: Michael Kennedy, Christopher Landon
Music by: Bear McCreary
Cast: Vince Vaughn, Kathryn Newton, Katie Finneran, Celeste O’Connor, Alan Ruck

Divide/Conquer, Blumhouse Productions, 102 Minutes

Review:

“[whispering in the ear of the jock who grabbed her/his ass] Your touch makes my pussy as dry as sandpaper, you fucking monkey. I can’t wait to kill you.” – Blissfield Butcher as Millie

Generally speaking, modern horror sucks. However, sometimes a modern horror film has something that makes it stand out from the pack. This usually happens for me every two-to-three years.

I can’t say that this is great but it takes the standard slasher formula and adds a little Freaky Friday-body swap plot with some comedy and the comedic talents of Vince Vaughn, which makes this pretty fucking amusing and worth watching for a laugh and because, well, there just isn’t much horror worth giving your time to, these days.

Apart from Vaughn, I thought that Kathryn Newton was really good in this too and she’s someone who first came on my radar in the grossly underappreciated television show Halt and Catch Fire. I have since seen her play small parts in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri and Lady Bird, where I thought she showed promise. This is the first thing I’ve seen that she stars in, however. That being said, she’s damn solid and I like her a lot. She can handle drama and ham it up greatly in roles like this.

The plot sees a timid but attractive teen girl nearly get murdered by the town serial killer. However, he has some mystical dagger that he stole from the house of his previous victim. This dagger causes the killer and the would-be victim to wake up the next morning in the other person’s body. With that, the teen girl, looking like Vince Vaughn, has to convince her friends that she’s not the wanted serial killer, while the killer in the teen girl’s body, sexes it up to attract teen boys to murder.

I don’t want to ruin the movie, so I won’t talk about the plot beyond the initial setup but everything plays out really well and this is an entertaining and legitimately funny movie in an era where almost anything a normal person finds funny is considered offensive by the social media snowflakes that cry about capitalism through their iPhones, standing in line at Starbucks.

All the characters in this are good, from her friends, her family and the asshole teacher that acts like a complete dick to her. Also, he’s played by Alan Ruck and I kind of loved seeing him play this sort of character when he’ll always be Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off to me. Sorry, Ruck, but through that role, you made a tremendous impact on me in my most impressionable years.

I can’t say that this was great but it is better than what the horror genre has typically spit our since the mid-’00s. I like the cast, I laughed a good bit and it’s something I’d watch again.

Rating: 6.5/10